Patsy Palmer, 29, actress
The main feeling was one of total disorientation. It came upon me gradually but everything around me suddenly seemed different and I couldn't make my surroundings look normal. When I talked to someone it didn't sound right. I couldn't get into reality - not even in my own living room.
One night I was in overdrive and when I went to bed I started hearing voices - a man's voice. It was then that I got scared. It was like being trapped in a nightmare. I was sure something in my mind was going to snap
The next day I never made it to the Eastenders set. On my way I had a panic attack and was so frightened that I called my brother - who drove me straight to the Promise Clinic. I woke up the next morning not knowing how I'd got there. It was my body telling me you can't do any more. When I was in the clinic the press made out I was in a place where people walked around with cloaks and baseball bats like some sinister cult. They also said I was in for drugs and drink but I wasn't. I hadn't had a drink for nearly two years. It was just that I couldn't cope.
I was working really hard in Eastenders at the time, looking after my son and no longer in a relationship. I don't know what triggered off the breakdown exactly. The story line was about losing a baby and perhaps I threw myself too deeply into the part.
I got interested in my Nan when I got ill. She'd had schizophrenia and I was worried that it might be hereditary. I didn't know about her illness until after she died when I was 15 and my mum told me she'd been on medication for years. She was so beautiful and loved me a lot - a tiny woman, with long red hair. She hid it so well and kept everything to herself.
The doctor reassured me that it definitely wasn't schizophrenia, it was just my body telling me that I couldn't do any more. It was probably the best thing that could have happened to me because I felt safe at the clinic, had counselling and started to recover.
I've learnt to relax and look after myself better since then. I'd always enjoyed having a few drinks and letting my hair down so maybe I'd become too controlled and forgotten how to unwind.
I still occasionally have tiny anxiety attacks but I know how to handle it now.
Talking is essential to staying well. I talk to my friends, but particularly to my husband. My husband and I talk a lot which I know helps. They say you should accept it and not put up a fight. These problems are part of life, especially when there are so many pressures and expectations. Is there one human being who can go through life without feeling depressed?
FACT: In a Mind survey, 60% of those who had experienced a mental health problem felt that media coverage was to blame for the discrimination they experienced. (Mind, 2000)
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